Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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