Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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