That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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