I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
