i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
