How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
