I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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