I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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