i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
