I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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