it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
