I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
