I cannot find my penis.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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