yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
