Buhtt sex?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
