When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
