You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
