its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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