Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
