you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
