I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
