I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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