When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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