the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
