bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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