Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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