Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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