when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
