Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
