I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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