i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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