the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
