It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
