You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
