My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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