Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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