Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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