Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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