So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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