So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
