Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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