Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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