we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
