i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
