I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
