i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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