Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
