I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
