You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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