READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I could make wine with my vomit
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
