I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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