i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
